Menopause a curse or a blessing?
I am 45 years old and I am already in my second phase of menopause. They have always told me that that’s the moment your life will be over! ‘Your sexual life will be doomed and you no longer matter…. NO ONE is interested in an ‘old’ woman!’
Our society mostly sees menopause as the death of your sensual self and women’s sexual drive. How many times I have hear in my twenties and thirties that other women were telling m; When you reach 40 you will dry up!
When you reach 40 you no longer count!
If you belief and trust the media, commercials and magazines, then you have no other choice then to belief that you are only good enough as a woman when you are young, lascivious, sexy, horny, wanting it, with big boobs and round bum, slim waist and long legs.
And a woman who is reaching menopause no longer fits that image.
But is that image actually correct? Isn’t it about time we release all those pre-programmed beliefs and establish new beliefs, that will benefit women?!
My menopausal experience is partly fused with a whole list of symptoms that we know women might experience during this phase of life. They mostly are inconvenient. But is a women’s life not full of inconveniences anyway? And is that not partly because we have been told to belief and see these things as inconvenient?
What if we were thought from young age, generation after generation that a women’s body (no matter what it looks like) is sacred?! And that what we today see as inconvenient are sacred Initiations of the Goddess? How would we look at being a woman? How would we then see the menopausal phase?
I know that in the Taoist tradition they view the menopause as a feminine initiation, and they call this the beginning of the Second Spring.
In this Second Spring, a huge amount of life force energy is being released that the feminine body no longer uses for the possible fertilization process of the egg, and the breakdown process when the egg is not being fertilized. Which is associated with menstrual bleeding.
Have you ever thought about how much energy your body takes up for that whole process? All that blood we lose, days in a row, and we don’t even die losing all that blood days in a row!!!
Your body also needs to create new blood!
When you reached menopause, your body doesn’t have repeat that process any longer, and all that energy is now free to be used for something else.
I totally understand that the Taoists saw the Second Spring as a phase in which you actually get more powerful than ever before. If you know how to guide the newly freed up life force energy you can step into a tremendously powerful, beautiful AND juicy second part of your life as a woman.
What I personally experienced is that during the perimenopause (my 4 years before the menopause) I noticed many changes. My body was no longer wanting to fulfill the needs of others, but wanted me to listen to my own needs.
Not only in the area of sexuality, but also in my career. I no longer was able to do what others expected from me. I HAD to listen to what my soul wanted, and to strive for what was giving me pleasure, and joy.
At the same time all my inner fears, old patterns, and limiting beliefs were coming to the surface too, and wanted to be seen and acknowledged. They were no longer able to stay surface level, and influence me unconsciously. They started to reach above the ground and slapped me in my face!
My inner critic came up in so many different aspect of my life: I am not good enough, what you are doing is not good enough. You will never succeed”
Not listening to my inner voice resulted in night sweets, hot flashes, headaches, painful joints, melancholy, sadness, emotional pain, amnesia, itchy skin, muscles aches, mood swings, fatigue, inner turmoil, (morning) sickness, insomnia, weight gain, and insecurity that only got worse.
Yes…. that’s a list of just a few of the different symptoms women can experience during the around 7 years that the whole transition phase takes.
However, I now know that this huge transition is a sacred initiation, a transition into my most empowered self!!
A self that wants to love itself first and foremost.
A self that wants to make ME happy first.
A self that is done pleasing others.
A self that has stopped keeping myself small
No longer effacing yourself
No longer giving yourself away anymore
No longer putting others in first place
This transition wants me to finally truly REALLY listen to my body. My body wants to be seen by ME. It wants that I:
Give her softness;
Allowing her to rest;
Letting her be in stillness and calmness;
Even my Yoni (pussy) starts speaking to me!
She no longer wants penetration in this moment. She has become dry, and it feels raw and painful. I listen to her, and lovingly massage her with delicious Yoni- oil. I whisper soft gentle words to her. I tell her she is safe, and she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t like or doesn’t want. My whole body starts to slow down, and reaches a place of soft calm rest. All the parts of me are experiencing this softness. I breathe lots of deep breaths and suddenly I drink liters of extra water!
After 6 months of no menstruation my body is starting to acclimatize to the many changes.
And then I notice that my Yoni has become juicy again! I also notice that because I have been more loving towards here, and listened to here, so not only feels like a happy Yoni, but I never felt and experienced her being soooo soft and juicy as now!
After years of excessive discharge, monthly vaginal yeast infections, not enough lubrication during sex, she finally for the first time feels TRULY happy and nice, soft and filled with love!
They say that they whole transition phase, from perimenopause, reaching the menopause (your very last menstruation) and postmenopausal can take between 5 to 10 years (sometimes even longer). With the pre-menopausal phase being mostly the longest with the most symptoms. In this time, you can experience many different symptoms, as your body is adjusting to find a new hormonal balance. You can find a list in internet of more than 75 different symptoms.
I now know that these symptoms are NOT a curse, but a sign post. They show you the way towards your empowered wise self. The you that wants to experience self-love. The you that wants to step into her power through inner peace, softness and pleasure!
When we women can accept that as a truth, then we will actually start looking forward to the moment that we can start to experience this sacred feminine initiation. Because we will be ready to slow down and listen to our body to allow ourselves to experience peace, calmness and from that stress-released state our true pleasure can start to move us!!
I am ready to start experiencing my Second Spring!
How about you?