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The 3 most important key steps to change from feeling like sex is another thing on your to-do-list to sex as a warm bath of pleasure.

Many of the women that come to work with me express that they feel sex is yet another job they have to do. The other day one of my clients expressed it as;


“It feels a bit like doing the groceries and then paying them all and go home again.

In a way you know its something good, and it does bring some sort of joy, but then as soon as it is finished, I feel relieved the job is done.”


Sexual intimacy can be so much more than just another job to do. In fact it can bring so much goodness, joy, aliveness and pleasure that it can ripple out into all other areas of your life.

Creating a ripple effect of magical synchronicities that bring positive change in your job, career and business too!


So how do you then step into changing the patterns that block you, make you go into a freeze, or please or fight mode?


The 3 most important key steps to create change and to move from feeling sex is yet another thing on your to-do-list into sex as a warm bath of pleasure are;


1.     Become aware of who are you doing it for? Are you doing it to just please and satisfy your partner? Or do you want it for you too? It is important to change the focus of who you are doing it for.


If you only do it for him, to please him or to make him meet his needs, then sooner or later your body is going to protest against sexual intimacy. So, the number one key element is to look into what do you get out of it? What does it bring you? What good feelings, sensations or emotions or things do you get out of having sex? What is in it for you?  


Sometimes it can be hard to come up with what it brings you. So, examples are; love, connection with yourself and your own body, deeper connection with your partner, warmth, feeling alive, joy, release, calmness, sense of ease and glowing afterwards, playfulness between you and your partner, etc.


Make a list of ALL the things you are getting out of having sex. And re-read this list often, as it will help re-wire your brain in a new and positive way of looking at having sex. This way initiating sex, or going along with the invitation of your partner will become easier and even fun!


2.     Identify what is standing in your way. Many of my clients carry some level of shame around their naked body. It is important to be honest with yourself and how you look at your own body. Taking time daily to look at your own body with admiration is very important.


Yet if you find this hard, then they key here is it start small. Don’t look at the whole of your body. Look at just a few small parts of your body. And speak out loud your love and appreciation for this specific body part and why you like this part of your body.


When you do this daily and slowly step by step by step extent the area of love and appreciation you will be surprised how much love you can start to feel for your own body.

Marianne van Katwijk, Psychologist, hypnotherapist, Hypnose Queen of Intimacy. Sexual healing for women
Marianne van Katwijk, M.Sc. - Psychologist, Hypnotherapist, expert in healing sexual anxiety for women


3.     Getting out of your head and into your body is THE key to deepen your experience of pleasure and arousal. Yet, also here many women have a hard time understanding how to get out of their head and into their body.


Through focus, breathing, movement and sounding you can drop into your body and forget to pay attention to all they thoughts that come inside your head. Focus on breathing deeply, on making tiny movements with your body and on the feeling of vibration that sounding can create in your body are all simple yet super effective techniques to create deep connection to the feeling sensations within your body. That way you can drop deeper and deeper into your erotic experience that sexual intimacy can bring you. Creating a sense of deep pleasure and freedom.


If this inspired you to go on a journey of change, yet you don’t know where to start or how to do this without professional help. Then I want to invite you to come and sign up for the 13-week Sexually Liberated Woman Journey. You can read all about this amazing, transformation, epic journey HERE


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